details
by justpayingattention
Summary: "I just wanted to apologize for earlier." He says once they've taken a seat in his office a few minutes later. "For going a bit overboard on those… details. It happens a lot, and I… There's a reason for that."


**A/N: **Based upon the "you're going to that creepy place again" scene in 3x01/People With Money. I was just thinking about things at work on Saturday and it just kinda hit me that a whole lot of his behaviour in the show felt kind of familiar to me, having been diagnosed with the same thing when I was younger.. (I could probably list all the reasons why Aspie!Sid fits like a glove in my head, but it'd be awfully long, oops.) As always, I don't usually speak/write in American English, so I apologise if any Britishisms have crept in!

* * *

><p>"Sid.. Sid!"<p>

"What?"

"You're going to that creepy place again."

He stops dead when Sheldon gives him that _look_, realizing that he's slipped up again, before forcing himself to get back on topic.

It's something that not even a handful of people know, and he's only ever talked about it when it's absolutely necessary, but it's after their conversation that day that he realises that he still hasn't got around to telling Sheldon. Mac had figured it out within a few months of them first working together, and he wound up telling Stella after a particularly bad case where the victim was also on the spectrum and it got to him. Both have been incredibly supportive since, and it feels nice to have them there if he's struggling with anything. He's not particularly good at opening up if something's troubling him, he only does it if he can't keep it to himself any longer, but he still appreciates it all the same.

He wasn't diagnosed until he was in his late twenties, as it wasn't a commonly known thing back when he was growing up in Canada, but he still knew that there was something a bit different about himself all the same. He went through a variety of special interests when he was a child, but the one thing that stuck was a fascination with medicine and it was an easy choice when it came to choosing what he was going to do in college. Getting there was even easier for him, as he passed everything with flying colors in high school, but moving from his relatively small, comfortable hometown to go to college in an entirely different country was a different story. Sure, he'd gotten into one of the best premed programs at an Ivy League university and he dove straight into the academic side of things, but it took him months to get used to living so far away from home.

Despite that though, he managed to cope by throwing everything he had into studying and much to his surprise, it paid off. Before he knew it, he was heading into med school with a high GPA and he grew to like his then not-so-new surroundings, but something still didn't quite feel right. That was, until he'd attended a neuroscience lecture and the professor had talked extensively about autism, the different forms of it, and how to work with patients who had it, it struck a chord with him. He remembers heading straight to the library afterwards and after spending hours researching it, he had made an appointment with a local doctor and it had all fallen into place from there.

He's found that his symptoms got easier for him to deal with as he's got older, but social situations are still, well... _difficult_. He can talk about work and cases just fine, but when he finds something interesting, he can't stop himself from spilling as much of the knowledge he has on the topic as he can without realising what he's doing, the detectives stood in front of him sometimes having to cut him off, or, if it's Mac or Stella, gently pushing him back on track to the autopsy he's just done. He feels embarrassed for a little while afterwards, wishing he was able to catch himself before he went too far, but it eventually fades. However, he's not having a great day today and this time, he keeps catching himself thinking about it, hoping he hasn't offended Sheldon.

It's still playing on his mind later on, so he escapes upstairs for a bit after his last autopsy and once he has cell reception again, gives Sheldon a call. He knows the lab will just be swapping shifts now, and he figures now's as good a time as any to explain everything. Thankfully Hawkes isn't too tired to talk, and, sounding a bit worried, says that he's happy to come down and see him for a bit.

"I just wanted to apologize for earlier." He says once they've taken a seat in his office a few minutes later. Hawkes looks a little puzzled, and that stalls him for a second. "For going a bit overboard on those… details. It happens a lot, and I… There's a reason for that."

His friend remains silent and it unsettles him a bit, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. He has to think then, trying to come up with the right way to say it.

"I have Asperger's, Sheldon. I'm sorry I never said anything, I guess I didn't know when a good time was up until now. I mean, Mac and Stella know, but…" He trails off, his hand going to the hem of the shirt of his scrubs, fiddling with it nervously. Sensing his discomfort, Hawkes leans forward, looking him straight in the eyes.

"Sid, it's fine. I'm just happy you told me." Sheldon smiles for a moment, then it fades into look of slight concern spreading across his face. "If anything, _I_ should be the one apologizing. I shouldn't have reacted like that."

That takes him by surprise. "What? No, you didn't know. It helped because I go too far sometimes and I don't realize straight off, so I appreciate it when people tell me. I was just worried I'd offended you." He hangs his head then, running a hand through his hair.

"Look, I promise I'd tell you if you'd offended me." Hawkes puts a hand on his free arm, taking it away when he looks up again. "I'm serious, man. Thank you for telling me. Is there anything you need me to do to help make things easier?"

He shakes his head, smiling. "Aside from telling me if I've gone too far, no… But thank you anyway. Thank you for understanding, too."

This certainly wasn't the way he was hoping it'd come out, but it still feels like a weight's been lifted off his chest.


End file.
